y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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