Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
