i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
