you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
