I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
