Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
