If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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