whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
