Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing