god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night