I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.