dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom