I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
