just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
