you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
