He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
