Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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