he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
