im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
