Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's like God shit irony all over that family
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Randomize
