You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
