I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
