Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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