Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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