Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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