I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i black out too much to be "responsible"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
