True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
