Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Randomize
