dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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