I'm eating all of the evidence.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
