suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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