Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
