accomplished twins. life is a go
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
