Where is the hickey?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
