mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize