I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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