grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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