I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
