I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
