real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
