My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
