So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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