My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
