Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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