A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
