Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
