my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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