every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
