Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
