Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
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So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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