Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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