You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
