This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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