i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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