He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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