we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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