Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
