Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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