Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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