I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
