I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize