My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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