I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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