what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
