Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
