i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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