Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
