Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
