would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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