tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
